December

...is going all right.

I work at west49 now which is kinda killer.
The people are super cool and we listen to good music all day.
Well, usually. Some people have sweet music, others are alright.
I made a special mix on my shitty iPod shuffle with things that i thought were suitable for west49. I put on a whole bunch of hardcore intense shit. Now I put a whole bunch of random shit I like to show to other people. It's super cool. Lots of people listen to stuff I do and they show me stuff they'd think I like, so I do the same. I was stoked when I heard At the Drive-In and Vince Guaraldi Trio. Anyways, west is an awesome job. I already bought two pairs of shoes and I'm thinking of buying another. I think I'll get some pants there as well.
I'm pretty sure they like me. Maybe I'll get to stay after the holidays too. I'm working lots now. I mean you could say it's just becuase it's Christmas but some seasonal people don't even work at all.

I'm not making as much music as I'd like to. Actually I haven't made any music at all. Hopefully the band will get together and have at least a couple of good jams. My girl/guy band fell through. She stopped calling and stuff. I mean, she IS super super busy. I think it's just a commitment she can't make right now. I thought it was awesome though. Oh well. I don't want to bother her. I haven't sung and played guitar much on my own either. It sucks. I started playing classical again but I really am not getting into it becuase I can't find any songs that I really like. Oh well. In the new year I plan on doing it a lot more. I better.

I made a movie for my family for Christmas. I'm not even excited about Christmas itself, I'm stoked about showing everyone and seeing their reactions haha. Me and my cousin made this awesome song and music video thing. Funniest thing ever. At least to us.

So you know this GIRL. ugh. always problems with her. we can't hang out because she'll get in trouble and she probably cares about her other person more than me. That's totally fine. What I'm so choked about is her other person hates me. I have no idea why. I mean, I KNOW why, but come on, grow up. I'm past that shit now. I have been a long long time ago. It's time for you too. I know they've been through at lot of shit and I really feel bad, but that's another reason why you should just let shit with me go. You don't need anymore negative shit to deal with. I hope you guys are doing okay though. I really really hope it works out. I love her so much and I just want her to be happy. And I want to be a good friend but secretly, I'm not. I understand the situation and can deal with it. But, I'm a bad friend becuase I secretly get mad at her and feel hurt. I think it's stupid how she can't be how she is when she's alone with me. When we hang out, it's like old times where we can just open up to each other and talk and just have real moments like we used to. She's the only person that knows me and knows how I feel, even when I'm trying to hide it. I feel so comfortable around her. And she's the same for me. When we talk, it's like nothing ever happened and we're just best friends. But when I see her at any other time, it's completely different. She's dismissive, rushed and not the girl I know. I know this might just be becuase she doesn't want people to think the wrong things about us. I mean, she says we're still best friends and she's always there for me but it's just that she can't be like that ever becuase of certain circumstances. But I don't know if I can believe that. Maybe she's the one lying to me. Maybe she jsut pretends to be nice to be jsut so I would get off her back. It wouldn't be the first time I thought she felt some way when she acutally doesn't.

It's confusing. Sorry. Here, let's put it this way:
I'm going to have to deal with this shit. I'm used to it and I can do it. I want her to be happy. I'm just hurt that she can't be true to herself or me and it sucks I can't be happy too.

Also, for her other person:
Fuck you. Please, don't hate me. It's stupid to be like this still. I just want to be on good terms. If you can make her happy, then I love you too. As long as she's happy, I guess I'm happy. But come on, it'd be easier if could just make peace with me. Maybe just try? I want you to be happy too. I really really do man.


I hope I fucking make some music soon! Fuck.

Random text.

So I was texting my sick friend and trying to convince her to go for coffee with me.
She's obviously in no condition to go out but I was just teasing her and I really didn't want to study french anymore. Anyways, I started a text and all of a sudden, these random thoughts just came rushing out of my fingertips, so I just let them do their thing. I do not have strong strong feelings for this friend, thought it may seem I do. I just had some sort of inspiration and just went with it. I hope it at least made her feel less sick:

"But I'll piggy back you and everything. I'll make sure you stay cozy warm and I'll have a tissue on hand if you need to sneeze. My shoulder will be there to catch your head if you drift off to sleep. Your fingers will never be frozen becuase I'll keep your hands between mine. You won't feel sick becuase I'll be there with you."

I think I just channeled random romantic comedies I've seen. I've discovered I'm just a hopeless romantic looking for that perfect onscreen romance. Though those rarely happen, I hope that one day some special gal will be looking for the same thing and we can make each other happy.

Hot List

I've decided to create a list of all the famous/sub-famous females that I want to marry.
Here they are in no particular order:

- EMMA WATSON (I'D LET HER CAST A LEVEL 5 SEX SPELL ON ME ANYDAY)
- Jennifer Anniston (She's old, and hot)
- Sarah Silverman (Everyone thinks she's fug, but I think she's shmexy)
- Bianca Gross (Spenny's cousin from Kenny Vs. Spenny)
- Kristen Stewart (She's a year younger than me. Awesome)
- Sally Gifford (She hosted this kids show and is that farting pizza pop girl)
- Natalie Portman (I really want to watch Garden State now)
- Lisa Hannigan (Literally an angel)
- Amanda Peet (She has a rope collection she is very fond of. Awesome)
- Other randoms I can't remember right now

I highly recommend that you look up pictures of all these fine specimens.
I will regularly update this, so keep checking back!

In Real Life...

...things that happen in fairy tales don't happen.
I'm thinking it was a bad idea now to give her that.
I just doomed a great friendship into an awkward acquaintance scenario.
Letting her know how I feel probably wasn't worth not seeing her again.
Oh well. I THINK it was worth it.
I started to feel myself becoming awkward and shy around her and not being able to look her in the eyes. She'd think I was weird if I kept that up! At least I ended it with a bang!
Plus, I felt so awkward when I saw her boyfriend. I felt bad when he said "Oh, are you hanging out with her today?". So I'm kinda doing him a favour.
I've always thought of myself as a disposable friend anyways so she'll be fine.
Ugh. But will I?
I'm just a hopeless romantic. I'll get over it.

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Secrets:

I don't know who you are. Maybe I do and I'm just lying to myself.

I'd like to go to the way we were but it will never happen. Too much stuff has happened.

I hope this work out because this is something that I'm genuinely excited about.

The Lonely Singer

Once upon a time there was a boy who played guitar and sung lonely love songs.

One day, he saw a picture of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

He asked everyone in the village if they knew who she was.

His friend, Noel, said he knew.

The lonely singer excitedly asked for the identity of this girl.

Noel replied and told him that her name was Robbins.

Ecstatic that he now knew her name, the lonely singer then went and tried to befriend the
charming Robbins.

He made weak attempts to talk to her but he realized he was quite shy and could not show her how much he liked her.

Unfortunately, because of this, he was scared off and didn't talk to her for some quite time.


2 YEARS LATER


The lonely singer had grown up a lot during past the two years.

He had loved and lost, he had been happy and sad.

But he was still the boy who played guitar and sang lonely love songs.

By a twist of fate, he came across the radiant Robbins at the town square.

Not seeing each other for a long period of time, they thought it would be a good idea to catch up.

They conversed over hot tea many times talking about life and events that had come and gone.

While talking, the subject of relationships arose.

Robbins was happily in a relationship with a fine fellow at the time.

She talked about all their experiences and happiness.

The lonely singer was so happy that his friend was so happy and in love but couldn't help but feel a little saddened.

He had realized how much he enjoyed her company over the warm mugs of tea and chit chat.

But, he ignored these feelings for Robbins because he knew it was not the right time and he also knew it would never work out.

The lonely singer and Robbins continued to get together and go to artistic events and have their chit chats after.

One time, during an outing to a great cinematopraphic production, which involved much singing and dancing,the lonely singer turned to look at Robbins. He thought about how much he enjoyed her company.

End of Part One.




PLEASE CONTACT IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ PART TWO.

Ps.

obviously the /clapclapclapclap was referring to the claps in the Friend's theme song.
Did you know it didn't start out as claps?
It started out as a shitty drum machine fill, then when they recorded it, the drummer didn't do a fill there so they just clapped it out temporarily. They all thought it was so lame and shitty but then it grew on them and they kept the claps!

/ClapClapClapClap.

Friends is one of the best shows ever created.
It is hanging up there with Seinfeld.
I'm looking at the word 'seinfeld' and right now I don't see it as a name, I see it as two different components, 'sein' and 'feld', that make up a weird looking word. It's strange. Sometimes I just fall into amazement about language and how we don't think about it. I'll look at a word or a say a word and it just won't make sense to me. I imagine in my head, how it's spelt but the letters just seem like random characters and the word in whole will just be meaningless. I think I do it on purpose. Maybe to make it seem like language is more important and meaningful and to respect it? Maybe.

But, back to the point. I love friends. I can't stand watching the super old episodes though. It has to be of the last 4 seasons. I just can't stand watching so far back and knowing what already is going to happen. Also it's an old ass show so the early episodes are shitty old school quality and i can't stand looking at joey's ug-o hair. Fuck Rachael is hot. She's like, almost 40? maybe. late thirties. john mayer, you got it good. i hope you make use of that. dayum. i apologize, dear readers. I'd like to be some girl's ross. I want to be ross for a girl. Actually, I just want to date Jennifer Anniston. Watching shows like these always give me hope that things will work out in the end. I watched run fat boy run on the weekend and that also gave me that warm tingly feeling that things can get super shitty but will work out when they're supposed to.

So someone I know is going through shit I went through, well, almost 7 months ago. Fuck. It's been forever. But it seems like it just happened sometimes. Weird. It's really shitty. But like, I know I can't offer advice becuase I know how it feels and you just have to figure out your own way to do things. Hopefully you can be on good terms eventually. It's almost as good. it's better than nothing. But until then, shitty bro. It'll smoothen out.

When I thought about what he was going through, I was thought, wow. I was really close to this girl. I can't believe the things I told her and how much I opened uo to her. I've never been that close to anyone in my life. How we shared so many things and experiences together. It's weird that it doesn't matter now. Well I mean, it DOES matter, and I've grown up so much from it, but they don't mean the same thing as the used to and might never mean the same thing ever again. Like, I can't even imagine getting intimate with her now. Sure, I can close my eyes and I'll be toastin' in bed with Jenifer Anniston or maybe Monica (she looked good in today's episode) but I can't with her. A girl who I had been in love with and been together for a year, I can't even imagine kissing now. I jsut feel awkard even thinking about it. Things have rewound. If that oppourtunity arose, I'd have to start from scratch. I'd probably be all shy and shit like I used to when I first met her. I'd probably be all fucked up and confusing and unsure and shy and awkward. Weird! Aw, well. It won't happen. And I'm kinda glad. I'm a little scared now about how I would react. Would it just be like old times or would it have to be rebuilt from scratch? Well Rachael and Ross alwayts broke up and jsut randomly hooked back up again with no problem. Well obviously problems but they're underlying love for each other was always there which made it easier.
This might be the stupidest post written in the entire world today.

Anyways, Friends. Awesome show. Me and my mother bond together watching it. Pretty awesome time.

Come to Gordie's tomorrow. I'm stoked.

lata.