Pressure.

I think I'm going to explode.
A week ago, I was so stoked on life.
Everything was going how I wanted it to.
I was moving out, I was ready to start enjoying summer and experience things with someone very close to me. I had two tests to study for but it didn't matter. I'd get through them and then summer would be on the other side.

Now, the present.
I'm going to explode.
I move out tomorrow or the day after. I have to pay first month's rent. I don't have a job yet.
Now my plans for an amazing summer are starting to fade. I'm going to have to take that full time contracted job for the summer to make it through. If I decide to do it, I'm in for four months. No backing out. I'm really stressed about my mom moving and I'm sad she's leaving but also frustrated because she thinks I can't make it on my own. My sister is being a bitch and I don't want to see her. I'm going to avoid her at all costs, I just can't handle her right now.
The tests are this week and I haven't started studying. Well I have, but not as much as I should have. And I know I'm going to have a hard time studying with all these thoughts in my head.
The thing that saddens me the most is that the person I was supposed to do everything with in the summer, is leaving me. Not physically, but I can't do all these things. It hurts to see her fall in love. She'll falling in love. I can't see her anymore. I want to stop seeing her. She says nothing is changed but it will. I can't do it again. I can't bare to watch us crumbling. Coming apart and she won't even notice. She'll be too busy, preoccupied, and happy. Happy. Last week I thought I made her happy. What a fool I was. She just needed a fix. She doens't need me but she makes you think she does.

Fuck this. Fuck her.
I'm going to explode.
I'm going to explode then get over it.
Stand up, dust myself off and just keep going.
Still, I'm going to explode.