December

...is going all right.

I work at west49 now which is kinda killer.
The people are super cool and we listen to good music all day.
Well, usually. Some people have sweet music, others are alright.
I made a special mix on my shitty iPod shuffle with things that i thought were suitable for west49. I put on a whole bunch of hardcore intense shit. Now I put a whole bunch of random shit I like to show to other people. It's super cool. Lots of people listen to stuff I do and they show me stuff they'd think I like, so I do the same. I was stoked when I heard At the Drive-In and Vince Guaraldi Trio. Anyways, west is an awesome job. I already bought two pairs of shoes and I'm thinking of buying another. I think I'll get some pants there as well.
I'm pretty sure they like me. Maybe I'll get to stay after the holidays too. I'm working lots now. I mean you could say it's just becuase it's Christmas but some seasonal people don't even work at all.

I'm not making as much music as I'd like to. Actually I haven't made any music at all. Hopefully the band will get together and have at least a couple of good jams. My girl/guy band fell through. She stopped calling and stuff. I mean, she IS super super busy. I think it's just a commitment she can't make right now. I thought it was awesome though. Oh well. I don't want to bother her. I haven't sung and played guitar much on my own either. It sucks. I started playing classical again but I really am not getting into it becuase I can't find any songs that I really like. Oh well. In the new year I plan on doing it a lot more. I better.

I made a movie for my family for Christmas. I'm not even excited about Christmas itself, I'm stoked about showing everyone and seeing their reactions haha. Me and my cousin made this awesome song and music video thing. Funniest thing ever. At least to us.

So you know this GIRL. ugh. always problems with her. we can't hang out because she'll get in trouble and she probably cares about her other person more than me. That's totally fine. What I'm so choked about is her other person hates me. I have no idea why. I mean, I KNOW why, but come on, grow up. I'm past that shit now. I have been a long long time ago. It's time for you too. I know they've been through at lot of shit and I really feel bad, but that's another reason why you should just let shit with me go. You don't need anymore negative shit to deal with. I hope you guys are doing okay though. I really really hope it works out. I love her so much and I just want her to be happy. And I want to be a good friend but secretly, I'm not. I understand the situation and can deal with it. But, I'm a bad friend becuase I secretly get mad at her and feel hurt. I think it's stupid how she can't be how she is when she's alone with me. When we hang out, it's like old times where we can just open up to each other and talk and just have real moments like we used to. She's the only person that knows me and knows how I feel, even when I'm trying to hide it. I feel so comfortable around her. And she's the same for me. When we talk, it's like nothing ever happened and we're just best friends. But when I see her at any other time, it's completely different. She's dismissive, rushed and not the girl I know. I know this might just be becuase she doesn't want people to think the wrong things about us. I mean, she says we're still best friends and she's always there for me but it's just that she can't be like that ever becuase of certain circumstances. But I don't know if I can believe that. Maybe she's the one lying to me. Maybe she jsut pretends to be nice to be jsut so I would get off her back. It wouldn't be the first time I thought she felt some way when she acutally doesn't.

It's confusing. Sorry. Here, let's put it this way:
I'm going to have to deal with this shit. I'm used to it and I can do it. I want her to be happy. I'm just hurt that she can't be true to herself or me and it sucks I can't be happy too.

Also, for her other person:
Fuck you. Please, don't hate me. It's stupid to be like this still. I just want to be on good terms. If you can make her happy, then I love you too. As long as she's happy, I guess I'm happy. But come on, it'd be easier if could just make peace with me. Maybe just try? I want you to be happy too. I really really do man.


I hope I fucking make some music soon! Fuck.